


Traverse My Heart

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 17:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She didn't understand why he had loved her, but nothing mattered anymore, because it was gone. The only thing she had left to say is some sort of closure, and the rest beyond that was a haze.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Traverse My Heart

Those eyes, so empty and perhaps even perfidious, cried what seemed like a thousand tears. And still, they would not stop.

Terezi didn’t know how long she’d been crying for. Time seemed to stand still as a torrent of tears and despair broke her down, farther and farther. She felt a deep, sinking feeling pulling through her chest, her stomach uneasy, her mind scrambled within a million worlds.

Teal.

Light teal fell from her eyes, down onto her wrists and arms and shirt. They faded into light spots, and each felt like it brough back another memory. It pained her so, but she couldn’t stop.

She couldn’t stop.

Terezi had never wanted this to happen, not ever. She was destined to partake in a matrimonial ceremony, even, with him, and it was all gone. Gone, like those drinks she had downed so carelessly, forgetting everything she was, forgetting what she wanted. She only repeated to herself that it wasn’t worth it.  
By this time, she had stopped bothering with her futile efforts to contact Dave, and she felt absolutely miserable and pathetic for it. She couldn’t see how he would want to talk to her at all. It wasn’t plausible, not after all the mistakes she had made in such a short time.

Her clever mind pondered whether it was possible to feel even more wretched than she did now. She felt disgusting, tenebrous, broken. She wished and willed and hoped that some part of Dave would see something in her again. Her mind wandered once more, and she coveted him coming through the door, like he had so many times before, and holding her so closely, tenderly.

_“Everything is okay, I’m here for you. I promise, I’ll never leave you, no matter what.”_

Another bout of violent sobbing began at this, and Terezi bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. Her hands formed shaky fists, and something burned inside her. Those slender fingers found the keyboard, and she began to type.

She poured out everything she could, at least, to her ability in words. What resulted was the following.

“Dave, I love you. I love you, I fucking love you, and I can’t let go. I can’t do it, I need you.

I know you don’t need me. I hate myself just as much, or maybe more than you do. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. Though, I guess it’s pretty pointless to apologise because I’ve apologised so much, and I know it doesn’t mean anything to you.  
I know. I know I don’t mean anything to you anymore. What I don’t know is what you saw in me before. How could you have loved someone with such a vile heart as mine?

I guess I should stop talking now because you won’t respond, but I want to say something final before I go, just in case you end up seeing this.

Dave Strider, I appreciate all you’ve ever done for me. I remember those nights I stayed up crying (pathetic, I know) because I missed you, wanted your touch. And at touch, I’ll never be able to find someone that was as gentle and sensitive as you were, when you touched me. You always knew how to take care of me. I’ll definitely miss all the memories we made, those jokes and conversations we had. We talked like friends, but our passions were even beyond that of lovers.

You were my soulmate.

I’ll never forget, as long as I live, the day you asked me to marry you. I didn’t, and still don’t, fully understand how your kind of marriage works, but I knew it was something special, because you had that look in your eyes.  
You always had that look in your eyes when you looked at me, and anyone you find in the future will be lucky to be looked at like that, with all the love and compassion that a thousand universes couldn’t hold.

As for me, sad as it seems, I don’t think I’ll be able to forget or move on for a long, long time, if ever. I’m sorry for being so dramatic, for letting a moment ruin the many we would have had together, for losing your trust, for breaking your heart, if I did.

I love you. I’ll probably never see you again, but that’s okay. I wish everything was okay. I wish you were here to tell me that everything would be okay, like you used to.

But the past is past. Even if you can traverse time, I think you wouldn’t want to go back there. If you do, I’m sorry. I’m just so fucking sorry. Things will go on, we’ll age, perhaps find new love. Fall in that crazy kind of whirlwind love again. I feel like nothing will feel like you. Nothing will be the same. I thought it was perfect. I thought we would be together til the day we passed.

Maybe when we both pass, our souls will still feel something stirring in them, that burning love of past.

I’ll see you when I see you. I love you with all my heart and soul.”


End file.
